Road Trip
by Aleka
Summary: A light-hearted fic for once! Basically, it's about what the title says, a road trip.
1. Default Chapter

Leaning against the door of the dusty red truck in the school parking lot, Chris Chambers tried to include himself in the conversation but he wasn't sure of how to say anything without looking stupid. Gordie Lachance and Cale Coulthard were laughing together like best friends, and Chris was jealous. Of course, the two of them did go back a long ways. But Chris was not jealous of having to share his best friend's attention with this girl. He was jealous that this girl wasn't sharing her attention with him. 

Cale Coulthard. Not very many guys that went to Castle Rock High would look twice at her. She wasn't especially pretty, but her small frame and dusting of freckles made her cute at the very least. Two years before, she had effortlessly won Chris over when she had slammed into a parked car, and then lay sprawled out on the ground laughing. He liked a girl that didn't take herself too seriously. So as she and Gordie, who had been next door neighbours since nursery school, talked animatedly, Chris just stood there wishing he knew something that could make her notice him a little more. But, he reminded himself, what girl would ever like a Chambers?

"You flunked Mr. Lane's quiz?" Gordie demanded incredulously. "Did you like write backwards or in Arabic or something?"

She shrugged and smiled up at him sheepishly. "I'm profoundly stupid."

"I'll say," he teased. 

"Whatever, I'm just glad it's Friday finally." She gestured towards the school. "That place keeps making me unsmarter."

Gordie just laughed. "Just keep telling yourself that, Cale."

"Hey," a voice called. "Chambers, how you doing?"

Chris turned his head to see who was calling him and saw Teddy Duchamp walking towards him with that same old casual swagger, Vern Tessio and his sister trailing slightly behind. "Hey Teddy," Chris said. "Hey Vern. And uh…Vern's sister."

Claire Tessio, who was not at all like her brother, rolled her eyes and gave Vern an impatient look. 

"Listen, uh, I'm not feeling too hot and so I was looking for someone to bum a ride off of, and so I saw you guys and so I thought maybe you wouldn't mind giving me a lift home?" Vern babbled. At the age of sixteen, he had finally overcome his lisp, but he still succumbed to the urge of non-stop chatter. 

"No problem," Chris said. "I'm giving Gordie and Cale a ride home too, so if you don't mind the tight fit, it's alright."

"Are you saying I'm fat?" Gordie asked. 

"Definitely," he replied, smiling. "You want a ride too, Vern's sister?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, but then attempted to smile pleasantly. "Yeah, I just had gym class and the laps were hell today. So if you don't mind."

Teddy was looking at Chris expectantly. When Chris dug his keys out of his back pocket and began to make his way around to the driver's side of the truck, Teddy announced, "Okay guys, I guess I'll walk home now. Even though I have a lot of heavy homework. And a headache."

A small smirk tugging at the corners of Chris' mouth, he looked back. "Teddy, would you like me to drive you home?"

"Oh, I don't want to impose myself."

Chris had to pass his house in order to get to the street where Gordie and Cale lived, which were the next closest to the school. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Tightening his grip on the wheel, he imagined what he'd be coming home to. His father, probably too hung over to go to work, would be lying on the couch waiting for him to come home so that he could have someone to release his anger that he felt towards himself. Chris knew that his dad couldn't stand himself. Why else would he try and make everyone else's lives miserable if he was just a content man trying to scrape through a poverty-stricken life? Chris understood _why _his dad always hurt him. He just didn't know _how_ he could do it. He really didn't want to go home.

He looked over at Gordie and Cale, who were sitting next to him in the front with Cale squeezed in the middle. Easing the decrepit old truck to a halt at a stop sign, he asked, "Wanna go somewhere?"

"Are you going to come with me?" Gordie grinned. 

"No." Chris shook his head and applied pressure to the gas again after a noisy station wagon passed by. "I just asked you that because it seemed more polite than 'please get the hell away from me and go somewhere I'm not at.'" He missed the turn to Sage RD, where Gordie and Cale lived. "Yeah I'm coming. It's my truck."

"Can I drive?" Cale asked.

"You don't know where we're going," he reminded her. 

"Do you?"

"No, but we'll get there anyway. And you will never drive. I enjoy living. You drive like a cockroach driving a matchbox."

Pursing her lips together, she appeared thoughtful. "Should I ask where that simile came from or just ignore the fact that you were ever speaking?"

"I have these dreams sometimes and yeah, they're strange."

"COOL!" Teddy cried. "Is this a road trip?"

Chris paused. A lot of time had passed since he would have called Teddy Duchamp one of his friends. Teddy was loud and flamboyant, and his emotions were unpredictable. Did he really want this guy as a backseat driver?

"Uh, sure, Teddy."

"Ohhh no," Claire said. "I did not sign a waiver for any road trip."

They were approaching Castle Rock City Limits. Chris knew fully that if he didn't come home for supper, he'd be in a world of shit, but he didn't care. That was later, not now. Right now, he was heading towards the highway with Cale and his best friend, and he was pretty determined not to let anything hinder his plan. 

"Come on, Claire, it'll be fun," Vern urged his sister. "Dad's in Boise for the business crap thing and Mom won't care if we go out for the weekend."

"I hate being kidnapped," she sighed. 

"Nah, you're not being kidnapped. You're being borrowed." Chris stole a look at her in his rear view mirror. "You can leave any time you want."

"Leave? But we're going like ninety miles an hour."

He laughed. "Yeah, that's the catch."


	2. StopNGo

About an hour later around five o'clock, their stomachs began to growl with a vengeance. Gordie was making up a song about his hunger. 

"Damn fuck this fucking state," he groaned. "They have no fucking food and I'm going to barf."

"How are you going to throw up with an empty stomach?" Cale asked. 

"I'll find a way," he promised.

"Me too, guys, I'm serious," Vern said from the backseat in a queasy voice. "I get car sick and I already felt like shit so I mean maybe you might want to roll down the window for me if I start to make heaving noises."

Claire sighed. 

"Guys, here's a stop-n-go," Chris said patiently. 

Gordie made a little victory cry and then began making a grocery list. "I want peanuts, ice cream, waffles, pizza, popcorn, cotton candy, some chicken, avocados, cookies, mustard, cherries dipped in chocolate, a sub, some salami--"

"You can probably find peanuts here," Chris told him, squeezing into a parking space and throwing the truck into park. "I don't know how much luck you'll have in finding your cherries though."

Inside the little convenience store, Teddy was browsing through the candy aisle with Cale. He called across the store, "Hey, Chris, you buying?"

"Not on your life," he replied.

Holding a pre-made sandwich, Claire looked up at him. "The least you could do is treat me to a meager supper. After all, you are holding me against my will."

He snickered. "I'm not holding you at all. Start walking."

"No thank you."

"Well then, you're here voluntarily, so just enjoy my company." 

"Sigh," Cale said in a dispirited voice, coming up to them with a bag of Gummi Bears in one hand and a package of Twinkies in the other. "I can't decide which I want."

"Just get both then," Chris told her. 

"I'm short thirty-eight cents. One or the other."

"I can loan you thirty-eight damn cents," he said, and fished through his pockets for some change. He placed a quarter, a dime and a nickel in her hand. "Don't spend that all in one place now."

She beamed at him. "Thanks! I love food." She quickly made her way to the front to pay for her findings. 

"Ahh," Claire said, nodding. 

"Ahhhh what?"

"You _like _her," she accused. "That's why you wanted this whole road trip thing."

"Eat shit, it is not," he protested. "You have no idea why I just kept on driving."

"Fine." She shrugged. "But you do like her."

"And what, you're a psychic?" he asked skeptically. "You're a Tessio, I don't have a lot of faith in your brain power. I don't like her, okay?"

"Oh yeah? How much change you got left?" She smirked. "I can count. You just gave her your last money, unless you have more in another pocket or something. You gave up your supper so that she could have some Twinkies, which by the way, my brother is just gonna eat when she's not looking anyway."

He raised his eyebrows at her. "So why can't you be thinking-challenged like your brother?"

She just shrugged. "I'm going to go pay for my sandwich now." Spying Vern walking up to pay, his arms loaded with Twinkies, pez, root beer, and ding-dongs, she cried, "Vern, you're _already _sick! If you puke on me, I swear to God, mister, you will no longer be able to call yourself a male--"

"I'll _share!"_ he insisted. 

Exhaling defeatedly, Chris stood, pretending to be studying the different kinds of drinks. He searched for some more change, but all he came up with was some pocket lint. As he walked to the door to go wait for everyone back in the truck, he prayed that no one would notice he wasn't eating anything. 


	3. The Twinkie Caper

"Anyone want to play the license plate game?" Teddy asked, once they were driving again. 

Chris was busy trying not to swear at the driver ahead of him because it was just a little old lady and he didn't want to swear at grandmas. The sun was slowly descending and he had to squint to see in the bright glare. 

"Come on guys, I'm so bored," Teddy complained. "Doesn't anyone want to do something that's not so fucking boring?"

"I'd take my shirt off, but I don't think that would interest you," Cale offered. 

"Screw you," he said back apathetically. "How about rock paper scissors?"

"Oh man, I am so great at that game," Vern cried. "Okay, go! Rock--paper--scissors!"

Vern had shook scissors, whereas Teddy was sitting there with his hand in a fist and his thumb sticking up. 

"What the hell is that?" Vern demanded. "Is that a rock?"

"It's a bomb," Teddy shot back impatiently. "I win."

"Screw you, man, there's no such thing! You're cheating!"

"Are you guys gonna shut up or do I have to throw your asses from the speeding vehicle?" Chris asked. 

Scowling, Teddy and Vern slumped back in their seats. Vern went to cross his arms over his chest, and in doing so, elbowed Teddy in the ribs. Teddy elbowed him back. 

"It was an accident!" Vern claimed.

"So is this," he retorted, and punched him on the shoulder.

Claire threw a piece of lettuce from her sandwich at them. "You drive me nuts."

"Okay, who the fuck has been drinking my coke?" Gordie barked crossly.

"Not me!" Cale piped up cheerfully.

All at once, everyone began to sniff the air. Teddy yelled, "Vern, put your damn shoes back on!"

"But my feet need to breathe!"

"So do we!"

Chris massaged his temple with one hand and steadied the wheel with the other. He wasn't sure if it was time to start regretting this whole trip or not.

"I have to pee," Cale whined. 

"We just stopped," Gordie told her. "Why didn't you go back there?"

"Because at that point, I hadn't guzzled your coke."

"Well, I hope you pee your pants."

"How did you not notice she was drinking your coke?" Chris asked, laughing. "I even noticed and I'm concentrating very hard on the road because I'm an excellent driver." Of course, he noticed pretty much everything Cale did, but he didn't feel the need to tell that to anyone else.

"I sorta have to relieve myself too," Teddy announced. 

"That's nice," Chris muttered. 

"Come on, man, pull over," he said. 

"Pleeeease," Cale joined in. 

"Pee out the window," Chris said.

"Cool, for real?" Teddy asked excitedly. 

"Whatever, but if you spray my truck, I'll throw you out into the road and run you over."

"I can't pee out the window, I don't have the accessories that would enable me to do so!" Cale grumbled. 

"I'm sorry to hear that," Chris told her, met her eye and smiled. He decided that just that one look she gave him was worth the whole trip. 

Teddy was busy fiddling with his pants. 

"Teddy," Claire snapped. "Please, no."

"Hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do," he said, shrugging. 

"Um, yeah, well, if you want to stay a man, then you'd better keep your little friend in his cage."

"And what are you gonna do about it?"

Vern's eyes widened and he patted Teddy on the shoulder. "Teddy man, when my sister says she's gonna rip off your nuts, she's not lying."

"Fine," Teddy growled. "I'll just sit here and suffer. Okay? Happy now, Claire?"

Claire crossed her arms over her chest and looked out her window. "You're still not safe."

Gordie turned around in his seat. "Vern, I think I'm in love with your sister."

"You can have her then," Vern said. "This isn't even as bitchy as she gets."

"There will be no falling in love with me, buster," Claire told Gordie, but she was smiling lightheartedly. 

"That shouldn't be hard to do," Chris said, to which Claire laughed. 

"But _I'm_ free!" Cale announced, giggling. "Do with me as you wish, fellas, just make it legal."

"I can't promise you anything," Teddy said, and she turned around and grinned at him. 

Chris sighed softly. He should've known that Teddy would capture Cale's attention. He was rebellious and he was cool without even trying…he wasn't like Chris. Cale wouldn't like someone like him, and she could send him all the smiles in the world, but Chris would always know that she'd never be interested in him because there was always someone better out there for her. 

"Gordie, did you fucking eat my Twinkies?" Cale shouted. "Did you _fucking_ eat my _Twinkies_?"

"I didn't eat your Twinkies!" Gordie protested, trying to fight her off as she tried to strangle him. 

"It was REVENGE, wasn't it?" she demanded. "You hate me for drinking your coke, so you ate my one and only joy!"

"Your one and only joy is a Twinkie?" he asked, and then proceeded to laugh at her. 

Claire noticed that Cale's one and only joy was smeared across Vern's face and the wrapper that used to contain her one and only joy was crumpled in his hand. But she decided to let her attack Gordie. As long as she wasn't hit by a flailing limb, this would serve as suitable entertainment for the moment. 

Gordie screamed. "Get her off get her off! She's biting me!"

"I'm not biting you!" she shouted back. 

"That must be someone's ELSE'S teeth marks on my neck then!"

"Are you saying I'm a _vampire_?"

"That would give you an excuse for being so evil!" 

"I didn't eat _your_ Twinkies! Only evil people eat Twinkies that don't belong to them!"

Taking hold of her ponytail, Chris slowly pulled her away from Gordie. "Simmer down."

She sighed and knocked her head against his shoulder. "Did you eat my Twinkies?"

"No, I did not eat your Twinkies," he assured her, and was surprised that she let him put his arm over her shoulders. 

"Well, at least _you're_ likable." She grumbled for a moment to herself. "Unlike stupid Gordie…Stupid Gordie."

"I wish I had eaten your damn Twinkies!" Gordie said to taunt her. "Because then I would've at least gotten something for all my pain!"

"Boy, I sure am glad she doesn't know it was me who ate her Twinkies," Vern whispered to Claire. 

"You ate her Twinkies?" Claire gasped in mock surprise. 

Whirling around and letting Chris' arm fall from her shoulders, she yelled, "YOU!" 

Smiling, Claire rested her head against the window, watching the little short girl in the front turn rabid on her little brother. 


	4. 2 AM conversation

With the sun gone to bed and the moon high and glowing, it was much easier to drive. Everyone was slowly getting tired and they weren't fighting as much. In fact, Vern had consoled Cale with some Pez. Pez apparently was another one of her loves. 

This was what Chris had always wanted. He was driving without a destination with a calm, dark night surrounding and cradling him. The drivers passing him did not know who he was. Anonymity was something he could never have in Castle Rock, but right now he could, and he would settle for it. The only thing wrong with the moment was that he knew what he was running from, and he would eventually go have to go home to it. 

All remnants of Gordie and Cale's Twinkie fight had disappeared, and Gordie was sleeping with his head on Cale's shoulder, and she was breathing with soft, deep rhythm as she dreamed. Chris looked away, focusing on the road again. 

"Chris," Teddy called from the backseat. "Does this old heap of metal get the radio?"

"Do not refer to my truck as a heap of metal, you heap of shit," Chris told him pleasantly. "And yes it does." Fiddling with the dials, eventually, he got some fuzzy sound to come from the radio. A distorted Joan Baez song was playing. 

"I'm hungry," Vern complained.

"You'll have to wait till morning. Sorry, Verno," Chris told him.

"But I'm hungry now."

"And you'll be hungry then too," Claire said. "Go to sleep. The time will go by quicker."

"But I'm not sleepy," he murmured, but his eyes were struggling to stay open. 

"It's even more boring when everyone's sleeping," Teddy mumbled when Vern began to snore. 

"You didn't have to come along, Teddy," Chris reminded him.

"Hey, I can live with being bored. I didn't say I was having a bad time." Teddy slumped in his seat. "It's just that it's times like these that I really wish a tank would come along and start firing at us."

"Yes, that would fix your boredom issue," Claire said. 

"Probably." He rested his head on his hand. "Anyway, I'm going to get some sleep. Night, guys."

After a long silence, Claire asked, "You gonna drive all night?"

Chris jumped slightly. He'd thought she'd fallen asleep too. "Um, yeah, probably. I don't really need that much sleep time." He turned down the radio. The static was annoying him. "What about you? Do you sleep? It's past two."

"I can't sleep in the car," she said, shrugging. "I've never been able to. But I'll be pretty grumpy in the morning."

"It's okay, I won't be able to tell the difference."

"Between what?"

"Grumpy Claire and Non-Grumpy Claire."

She laughed softly. 

"Listen, I'm sorry that you got dragged along."

"Whatever," she said indifferently. "It's not that bad."

"You're having a good time?" he asked, shocked. 

Grinning, she replied, "I never said that." 

"Oh."

"But I'm not having a bad time either. I'm being entertained."

"You're being entertained? Fuck, I can't tell the difference between Bored out of her mind Claire and Entertained Claire either."

Claire laughed again. "Besides, I probably wouldn't have anything else to do this weekend anyway."

"Yeah, I don't see you outside of school much. Actually, I don't see you inside of school much."

"That's because you haven't been looking for me." She smiled her distantly nonchalant grin. "So, are you jealous?"

"Of what?" he asked, confused. 

"Of this Teddy guy."

Chris glanced back momentarily. Teddy was sleeping with his mouth slightly open, and he was snoring. He knew what she was talking about. 

"It's okay though," she said. "I don't think he likes her back."

Pretending to not know what on earth she was talking about, Chris asked, "Likes who back?"

She scoffed. "I wonder."

"I don't know what stuck it in your head that I like Cale," he muttered.

"Uh, you did, dumbass," she said. "You're so blatantly obvious about liking her."

"Then why doesn't anyone else in this truck know?" he demanded. "I think you're just trying to get a rise out of me."

"The only other people in this truck are _boys!_" she exclaimed. "Do you know how stupid boys are?"

"Cale's also here and she's a girl."

"Cale's also stupid."

"You're a bitch," he told her. 

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

She sighed dramatically. "Sorry. But I know you like her, so don't pretend that you don't."

Chris shrugged, and wished that she would just go to sleep so he wouldn't have to keep talking to her. "Fine. But if you tell her, you're walking."

"Why don't you just ask her out?" she asked, ignoring his obvious annoyance. 

"Because she doesn't like me back. She doesn't notice me. I wouldn't have a chance."

Her voice suddenly turned friendly and gentle. "I think you'd have a chance."

"I have more of a chance with _you_ than I do with Cale.'

She laughed at the way he said that with such disgust. "Oh baby oh baby."


	5. how to be annoying in a moving vehicle

Cale met up with the guys in the parking lot, a big smile on her face. 

"Feel better?" Teddy asked her. 

"Yeah, I feel about five pounds lighter," she said, and then turned to Chris. "If I get a kidney infection from having to hold it for like, six hours, I'm sending you my medical bills."

Chris grinned in return. "Go ahead and try. You could've went in the bushes like Teddy."

It was barely morning, but everyone was wide-awake. Chris had been forced to stop at a Texaco station by Cale, the chronic pee-er. During the middle of the night, he had pulled over to the side of the road for Teddy, but Cale was strongly against relieving herself in some bushes. So she'd had to wait until they reached a dinky little town so she could go. Presently, they were all standing around in the parking lot, their bladders emptied and food in their hands. 

"So, Christopher," Cale began, hopping onto the hood of the truck. "Have you figured out where we're going yet?"

"I vote for Canada!" Vern offered. 

"Not Canada," Teddy whined. "That's lame. I don't even know where it is."

"It's North above Montana," Gordie said. 

"Listen, I'm not going to Igloo-Land."

"I'm driving in a straight line," Chris said, shrugging. "I'm not taking us anywhere in particular really, I'm just driving."

"Well, then let's drive," Teddy said impatiently. "We're not getting anywhere standing out here."

"So break it, break another little piece of my heaaaart," Teddy caterwauled. 

"Stop singing!" Gordie yelled. "You don't even know the words!"

"Well the damn radio's blowing fuzz! We need _some _tunes!"

"That wasn't a TUNE you were singing," Claire told him helpfully. "It was more like provocation for suicide."

Chris, Gordie and Cale laughed. Vern, however, jabbed his sister in the side. "You purposely use big words like that so that I can't understand the damn joke."

"That's right," she teased, ruffling up his hair. 

Teddy sat up straight. "Can we pick up that hitch hiker?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Vern said, worry creasing his brow. "She could be an escapee from a mental institution, hungry for human flesh."

"Yeah, but she could also be a hooker, hungry for teenage boys. Come on, Chris!"

"I don't want hooker prints in my truck," Chris said firmly. "Besides, there's no room."

"She can have my lap."

"We don't need anymore hookers, Teddy," Chris told him. "We already have Claire."

"Ha ha, that was clever," Claire grumbled. 

"Yeah, I thought so," he said. 

"Good job, we passed her," Teddy said irritably. "You just blew your chance at a free hooker, Chambers."

"Uh, Teddy, hookers don't come for free," Chris said helpfully. 

"Whatever!"

"Don't argue," Cale said. 

"I'm pissed off," Teddy told her. 

"Okay, well, uh…let's play a game. I spy with my little eye something that starts with…umm…C."

"Good for freaking you."

"Who pissed in your Cornflakes?"

"Chris."

Cale smiled up at Chris. "Chris, how many times do we have to tell you? Cornflakes: Not a urinal."

"I'll try to remember that, thank you." He returned the smile.

Claire cleared her throat obviously to show Chris that she'd noticed the little exchange.

"Stop that," Chris warned her.

"Stop what?" she asked innocently. 

Lack of sleep and boredom was hovering over the passengers like a black cloud of annoying-ness. Everyone was doing their best to piss everyone else off. So far, it was hard to tell which pair was winning; Chris vs. Claire, or Teddy vs. Vern. 

While Chris and Claire simmered, both equally irritated with the other over their latest fight and both trying equally as hard to come up with shocking new insults for each other, Vern was sprinkling left over sugar from his bag of Sugar Puffs in Teddy's hair while Teddy slept. 

"Teddy," Vern cried, shaking him awake. "It's urgent! Wake up!"

"What's wrong?" Teddy slurred. 

"You have a lot of dandruff!"

Raking his hands through his hair, Teddy was alarmed to see the amount of white powdery-looking stuff come out of his hair. "What the hell?"

Claire sighed. "Teddy, it's sugar. Vern put it in your hair."

"Do you SEE a shower out here?" Teddy yelled. "Now my head is going to be sticky!"

"I didn't do it! I didn't do it!"

Teddy lunged at Vern. Vern screamed and kicked him in the nuts. Teddy howled, put him in a headlock and slowly tightened his arm around Vern's neck. 

"Is it funny now!" he demanded. 

"Let me go, ass breath!"

"Teddy! Don't make me pull this car over!" Chris ordered. 

"He started it!"

"It's not MY fault you have a shitty sense of HUMOUR!" Vern yelled. 

"Claire, you sit between them," Chris said. 

"Get bent!" she snapped. "I don't want to!"

"Why not?"

"Because Teddy's still got hookers on his mind and I don't want to be sitting next to him!"

"All he's gotta do is just take a look at your face and he'll forget all about any sort of pleasure!"

"Oh yeah, that's gonna make me wanna do what you told me to, you asshole."

Vern, who was trying to struggle out of Teddy's death grip, kicked Gordie in the back of the head. "Chris, we're going to get into an accident," Gordie said.

"Claire, just do it," Chris said.

"Eat me."

Screaming, Vern threw himself on Claire, and then tried to shove her at Teddy. "Take my sister, take my sister! Stop killing me!"

Grumbling obscenities to herself, she sat between the two boys. When Teddy tried to reach around her for Vern, she glared at him. "Teddy, I'll hike up my skirt if you settle down and shut up."

"Why thank you, Claire," he said. "That would be nice of you."


	6. Teddy

"Shit," Chris muttered, his eyes grazing over the fuel gage. "We're running low on gas, guys."

"How disappointing, does this mean you have to turn around now?" Claire asked.

"We wouldn't get home on empty, retard," he told her. "Can anyone help me out with gas money?"

"Yeah," Gordie said, digging around in his pockets. "I got seventy-eight cents, that should fill it up half."

"Thanks, man." Chris looked over at Gordie, and Gordie understood that he wouldn't have asked for help with money if he hadn't really needed it. He shrugged and Chris smirked. 

They filled up at the nearest gas station, and continued on their way again. They were no longer talking to each other. Everyone was sleepy and stiff, and their throats all probably hurt from yelling at each other so frequently. 

Just about to exit the small town they'd stopped for gas in, Chris noticed a police car in his rearview mirror. "Crap!" He snickered. "Woah, I'm not even speeding. Cool. Crap!" He saw a car speeding up behind him, about to pass him. "No, don't pass me, you asshole!" The car passed by. 

"He's from Montana," Claire said, reading the license plate. "They have no speed limit."

"That's not an excuse," Teddy called. "Chambers, drive over him!"

Chris floored it and recklessly pulled ahead. He cackled. "I win!"

While they passed by, Teddy gave them the finger. Then, he decided he would like to moon them, and since much of Teddy's actions were results of his impulsive nature, he yanked down his pants and waggled his ass in the back window in some sort of strange victory dance. 

"Teddy!" Chris and Gordie yelled in unison. 

"This is why I didn't want to sit next to him!" Claire shouted, trying to get as far away as possible from him. 

"Teddy, we don't want to see that!" Chris barked. 

"They do!" Teddy cried gleefully. "See? They're honking! They haven't seen enough!"

"Pull your fucking pants up!"

"Uh oh…"

"Did you smear your ass all over my window?" Chris demanded. His eyes glanced up at his rearview mirror, and then did a double take. "Hey, was that police car's lights on before?"

"Maybe, but I don't think it was going that fast before," Cale observed. 

"Teddy, you fucking pussy, if I get pulled over because of your fucking ass, I'm going to rip off your head!" Chris snapped. 

Teddy was sitting properly, with his pants up and his hands folded on his lap. "Just keep driving. If anyone asks, it was just a blow up doll, and it wasn't me."

"And if they ask to see the blow up doll, what do we do?"

"Uhh…blame Claire."

"Hey!" Claire cried. 

The police car breezed past them, not slowing down. Chris breathed a sigh of relief. 

"He was just after some donuts, guys, that's all!" Teddy said.

"Teddy," Chris growled. "Can you guess how pissed off at you I am right now?"

"I didn't hurt anything!" he protested, although something resembling remorse was barely audible in his voice.

"Yes you did, you hurt my virgin eyes," Claire said. "Does anyone have a magazine?"

"Sure Claire, I'll pull it right out of my ass," Teddy said sarcastically. 

"You keep your ass in your _pants_," she ordered. 

"I got a magazine, Claire," Cale called, throwing a book back at her. 

"Young Miss sucks." She scowled. "Thanks, but I can't read this."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't understand mindless drivel."

"Are you saying I read mindless drivel?"

Claire smiled. "Do you?"

"Can we go to California?" Vern asked. 

"Yeah, considering that's in Europe," Cale giggled. 

"See, that's the drivel talking," Claire said. 

"Are we forgetting how pissed off I am?" Chris asked.

"We're trying to," Gordie teased. 

Eventually, the all-nighter he'd pulled caught up to Chris. Gordie, who he'd asked to slap him over the head every time he noticed him start to nod off, was quickly growing on his nerves. All he got was a headache, and it wasn't helping him stay awake. 

"I'll drive," Teddy offered. 

Chris snorted. "That was funny, Teddy."

"Why not?" he demanded. "I'm a great driver. Come on guys, it would be cool! We'll take the scenic route! What could be better?"

Claire raised her eyebrows at him. "Death." She considered her other options for a moment. "And everything else imaginable."

Chris sighed. "Fine."

"Fine what?" Gordie demanded. "Fine what, Chris? What the hell are you doing? Don't stop this car!" He watched in horror as Chris pulled over to the side of the road, undid his seatbelt and shoved his door open. "Get back in! Don't let him drive!"

Chris walked around to the passenger's side and opened the door. "Out please." Muttering to himself, Gordie jumped out. "Teddy, you're driving." 

"Really? Very, very cool, man!" he enthused. "Thanks!" He crawled out, ran around the truck and hopped into the driver's seat. Chris squeezed into the cramped backseat and settled into where Teddy had been sitting. 

Claire stared in awe at him. "And hell freezes over."

"I'm tired okay? It's just as unsafe for me to drive when I'm half asleep as it is to let Teddy drive in general."

"Wanna see me drive with my eyes closed?"

Teddy had been driving for only ten minutes, but he was already aggravating Chris to the point where he couldn't even try to sleep despite how exhausted he was. 

"Wanna see me drive playing the air guitar?"

"Teddy," Chris warned. "Just keep your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel."

"What about the air drums?"

"No."

"Wanna see me do a fishtail?"

"Yeah!" Cale cried. 

"Chris?" He looked for permission so that he didn't get beaten up.

"No!"

Teddy's shoulders slumped defeatedly, and he fell silent for a moment. Then he sat up straight and asked eagerly, "Wanna see me drive through a mud puddle?"

"Just wait, let me spit my gum out the window," Claire said, leaning over Vern, and rolling her window down. 

"Better hurry up," he warned. "Eee-ee-ee-ee!" he crowed as they went through the puddle while Vern's head was out the window. 

"You son of a bitch!"

"I told you to hurry up."

Everyone was laughing hysterically. 

"Poor Clarabell got wet?" Cale giggled. 

"Shut up," she grumbled. "Your damn boyfriend is never driving again and you don't need to be his freaking apprentice, thank you."

"Who, Teddy? He's not my boyfriend." 

"Could've fooled me with the way you fawn over him."

"I do not," she said, but she was reddening. 

"Claire," Chris said, giving her a forceful look. 

"Oh, she's just a big baby," Claire muttered. 

Cale shot back, "You're a big bitch!"

Vern laughed. "Ooooh, Claire got cut!"

Teddy said, "Cale, it's not a big deal."

"She's being bitchy!" 

"I'm being truthful and tactless, I'm not being bitchy," Claire insisted. 

"Claire, you're always bitchy," Vern reminded her. 

Gordie said, "Hey, Teddy, congrats on making the girls tense."

"And bitchy," Vern offered. 

"Yeah, I do my best," Teddy grinned. 

Claire sunk back in her seat. When she looked up at Chris, she saw him looking back at her, disappointment shadowing his face. He quickly looked away, and she was surprised to realize that he had just hurt her feelings. 


	7. the world's biggest corn chip

It was raining when Chris stirred in the morning. Raindrops slid lazily in zigzags down the window, casting shadows on his bare arms. He felt refreshed and awake, and relieved that he'd be able to drive again. Teddy had been making him nervous. He'd actually had a dream about Teddy driving them off a cliff.

Stretching as well as he could in the confinements of the backseat, he suddenly realized that the vehicle had stopped. They were at the side of an old back road. 

"Teddy?" he whispered. Everyone else was still sleeping except for him, Teddy and Claire. 

Peering sheepishly around his seat, Teddy looked back at him. "Yeah?"

"Why did you stop?" He glared. "Is there something wrong with my truck? Did you break my truck?"

Claire scoffed. "Worse. He got us lost."

"You got us--" Chris stared in disbelief at Teddy, who was looking scared and embarrassed. "You got us lost?"

"I think so."

"How the _hell_ did you get us lost?" he shrilled. "We're not _going_ anywhere! How do you get lost going _nowhere?_"

In the front, Cale turned over onto her side, and then groggily opened her eyes. She looked around and saw that Teddy was looking at her. "Good morning," she said, smiling sleepily. "Never thought I'd wake up and see _you_."

Claire considered mentioning how that was a lie; Cale quite often thought about waking up next to Teddy, but decided that Chris was already in a bad mood so she would try not to provoke him. 

Smiling painfully at her, he then looked to Chris and said, "It's a long story. How about we wait until Vern and Gordie wake up so that I don't have to tell it twice?"

"I don't think you'll get to live to tell it twice," Chris said pleasantly. 

Claire saw to it that Vern and Gordie were awakened in a matter of seconds. 

"Okay, you can tell your story now," she told him. 

Sighing, Teddy shrugged and said indifferently, "I was just driving and then I noticed that everyone had fallen asleep--"

"You damn dirty liar, Claire never sleeps!" Chris interrupted. 

Claire glanced over at him and grimaced. "Actually, last night I did fall asleep."

"You had to pick last night to suddenly quit being an insomniac?" he demanded. 

She shot back, "Yes, just to inconvenience you!"

"Guys, guys, Teddy was trying to tell us something," Gordie intervened, hating how the two of them always argued. Chris was his best friend, and he wasn't used to seeing him act like this. Chris wasn't the one who started fights; he made peace of them. Claire wasn't that bad. Gordie didn't get what it was about Claire that brought out the worst of him. 

"Sorry," Chris apologized. "Go ahead, man."

Nodding, Teddy continued. "Anyway, I saw this sign that said World's Biggest Corn Chip, Next Two Exits, and I thought since everyone else was asleep and I'd never seen the world's biggest corn chip that I should go and see it. But I couldn't find it and I was driving around in all sorts of directions trying to look for it and I have no idea how to get back to the highway."

Everyone started talking at once. Teddy was apologizing angrily a mile a minute, Gordie was describing the amount of trouble they were going to get in and Vern reminded him that since they were going to die and get eaten by vultures it didn't matter how mad their parents were going to be. 

Having faith in himself enough to believe that he was a capable enough person to get them back to the highway, Chris took over the driving, much to everyone's delight. After driving around for over an hour and seeing the same patch of trees four times, Chris began to lose that faith. 

"Dammit, Teddy, how did you manage to get this lost?" he cried. 

"I don't know," Teddy said softly. "I'm really sorry, guys."

"We're going to die," Vern sang. "And no one will ever find us and we're going to turn into petrified fossils that scientists will mistake for dinosaur bones--"

"Shut up, Vern," Teddy snapped. 

"Hey, you okay?" Chris asked, peering over at Cale. She hadn't said anything for a long time, which was an oddity for her. 

"Yeah," she said unconvincingly, trying to smile.

So that no one else would hear, Chris turned up the radio. He was surprised to find out that they got better reception wherever they were. "Scared?"

She shrugged, making herself look small and young. "A little, I guess. But we'll be okay." She looked up at him, searching his face for some reassurance. "Right?"

"Oh, yeah," he promised. "Definitely."

Vern was describing their doomed fate again. "We're going to get hunted down by a crazy old fucker who lives in a tree and talks to flowers and he's gonna chop us up in little tiny bite size tater tots and feed us to his squirrels and use our bones for toothpicks and our skulls for ashtrays and--"

"Shut up, Vern!" Chris barked. He closed his hand over Cale's and murmured, "Cale, he's just a retard. There's nothing out here."

"I know," she muttered. 

Vern continued. "And THEN, once he's finished with our BODIES--"

"Vern, shut up!" Claire yelled. "You're gonna make me cry, you fucking moron."

"Who CARES, we're gonna die anyway," he shot back. 

In the rear-view mirror, Chris saw Teddy slip his arm around Claire and pull her towards him. "We'll be fine, Claire," he assured her.

"Yeah, right," she scoffed, tears swimming in her eyes. "Those of us that the crazy old tree fucker doesn't get, the bears will."

"There's always death by natural means," Vern offered helpfully. "Like starvation, dehydration, sun stroke, old age…"

"Shut up, Vern," Teddy said. "You're not helping."

"I'm not _trying_ to help."

"That's obvious." He shot him a look. "You're just trying to scare your sister."

"I am not! I'm plenty scared myself! I'm just telling you guys the facts!"

"Vern, since when have you ever known a fact?" Teddy demanded. 

Chris exchanged looks with Gordie. He could tell that Gordie was worried, but not scared. So Chris decided that he wouldn't be scared yet either. When Gordie was strong, so was Chris. 

Up ahead, Chris saw a building that wasn't quite broken down enough to be called a shack. He knew it wasn't abandoned because there were sheets drying on the clothesline. He laughed. "Guys, look! Who's going in?"

"What?" Vern screeched. "That's where the crazy old fucker lives!"

"I thought you said he lives in a tree," Cale said. 

"I'll go," Claire volunteered. "But I'm not going alone."

"Of course not," Chris said, looking at her like she'd said something ridiculous. "I'll go with you. Anyone else coming with us?"

They all decided they'd much rather be in a getaway truck if the old fucker came out frothing at the mouth and wielding a butcher's knife stained with Chris' and Claire's blood. 

(AN: if there's a lot of mistakes, I'm sorry, but I didn't feel like editing it!)


	8. The crazy old fuckers

"You knock," Claire whispered as she and Chris stood on the front step of the old house, poised to run if they needed to. 

"Why should I have to knock?" he demanded. 

"Because I asked you to."

"You didn't ask, you ordered." He sighed. "Ladies first."

"But I'm _scared,_ asshole!" she hissed. 

Raking back his flyaway hair, he stole a look at her. Her usually enigmatic face did look scared, and he was surprised to discover that she was actually uncommonly pretty. She wasn't supermodel material, but he would go so far as to say she was beautiful. Chris thought that it was just because she looked vulnerable and innocent at that moment, but when he looked at her again later, he knew that she had been beautiful all along and he'd always just seen through her looks. Then again, he didn't go for looks when it came to girls. He went for personality. And he found Claire's personality tactless and abrasive, so the split second's worth of pity and astonishment he'd felt for her disappeared quickly. 

But he did take a hold of her cold, clammy hand and rapped softly on the door. 

They waited nervously for someone to answer. Finally, from inside the house they heard footsteps. Claire's hand gripped Chris' hand tighter and he suddenly felt protective of her. 

The doorknob twisted, and an old woman pulled open the door. She was dressed in a bulky robe overtop of a flowery nightgown. On her feet were purple slippers and in her hair were pink curlers. She certainly didn't look like she could do too much damage.

"Can I help you kids?" she asked in a bird-like voice. 

"Um, yeah," Chris said, slowly and clearly in case she had a hearing problem. "We're lost. And, uh, we were hoping that you could point us in the direction of the highway if it's not too much trouble."

"Oh, not at all, sonny. Why don't you come in for a bite to eat, you two are looking too skinny. Kids your age need to have a little meat on your bones."

"Um, no thank you, ma'am, we need to be getting on our way, you see, so couldn't you just--"

"In, in, in," the old woman chirped, ushering them inside and closing the door behind them. "I'm Lorraine. I was just about to sit down for breakfast."

First exchanging doubtful looks, Chris and Claire followed her hesitantly, both of them saying a silent prayer that this woman wasn't the old witch in the Hansel and Gretal story who just wanted to fatten them up so she could cook them and eat them. 

Chris, who was walking slightly ahead, suddenly tripped on something in the hall and went sprawling forward, landing on his elbows. Close on his heels, Claire tripped over him and fell on his legs. They both looked to see what had tripped him, and screamed, grabbing for each other's arms and scrambling to their feet. 

Lorraine turned back and smiled. "See a ghost?"

"Lady, did you know that your dog is dead?" Chris cried, breathing hard. "I just stubbed my toe on his head."

"Who, Mortimer?" She cackled an old granny laugh. "Oh, he's not dead, he just doesn't move."

"Ma'am, could you please tell us how to get to the highway?" Claire pleaded.

Lorraine suddenly looked at her with a look of wistful lovingness. "Ohh, aren't you just a pretty little wisp. You look just like my daughter Shirley."

"Really," Claire said. "Well, my name's Claire, not Shirley, so please do not mistake me for her."

"She doesn't come around very often anymore," Lorraine sighed. "Have some eggs!"

"We can't stay, Lorraine," Chris said in his talking to senile old ladies voice. "Do you know how to get to the highway?"

"You'd have to wait for my husband to come in from out back. He's chopping wood."

"With an _ax_?" Claire cried, going pale. 

Lorraine's old fingers traced a petal of one of her potted flowers. "We like company, don't we?" 

Claire looked up in fright at Chris. "Chris, she's talking to flowers," she whispered. "Just like Vern said."

"Oh, you know Vern's an idiot," Chris said to reassure her. 

Suddenly, a tall man appeared in the back door, with an ax slung over his shoulder. "Lorraine, why didn't you tell me we had visitors?" he asked in a booming voice that encompassed the entire room. 

"They just got here!" she chirped. "They're staying for breakfast."

"No we're not," Claire said, smiling nervously at them.

"Do you like raspberry jam?"

"We can't stay," Claire said, pronouncing her words carefully so she'd get the picture. "We're lost and we just want to get back to the main road."

Lorraine sighed. "We don't get much company out here. We haven't seen two young faces for years."

Chris looked at Claire. "It wouldn't kill us to just have some toast with them."

"Yes it could!" she whispered heatedly. "There might be rat poison in her raspberry preserves!"

"Claire, she's just lonely."

"Fine, but if we die, I'll be pissed."

Sitting apprehensively at the lopsided table and chewing slowly on their toast, Chris and Claire kept their eyes on the ax in the corner of the kitchen that Bruce had been using to supposedly chop wood with. It had crossed Claire's mind once that he'd been chopping up their friends with that ax before he came in, but she tried to appear calm and collected like Chris did. 

"Ohh, Bruce, don't you just miss young love?" Lorraine gushed, gesturing towards Chris and Claire. 

"Love," Bruce snorted. "If there was such a thing as love I would've gotten some touch in the past thirty years."

"I can just see it," she continued. 

"See what?" Chris asked.

"You'll be in love for so many lifetimes," she said, grinning from ear to ear. 

"We're not even _dating_," Claire said. "You've confused me with someone else. He's like, in love with someone other girl who's in love with some other guy."

"Who's in love with some other girl," Chris muttered. 

"Huh?" 

"You know Teddy has a thing for you."

"Yeah, and it's in his pants. He has it for every girl."

"Whatever."

"No matter!" Lorraine said cheerfully. "You're a very attractive couple!"

Chris said, "Come on, she and I can barely keep from tearing each other's heads off."

"That's not true," Claire argued. "We were getting along fine a few minutes ago."

"That's because you were scared and I felt bad for you."

"You didn't feel bad for me. You don't even like me."

"You got that right," Chris said, and trying not to show that he didn't care when Claire looked hurt, even though he didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, even Claire's. 

"Well--I don't like you either!" she shot back, and then glowered in her inability to come up with a better comeback than that. 

"Fine."

"Can you please tell us the damn directions now?" Claire demanded.

Bruce looked at her, his hooded eyelids almost hiding his smiling eyes. "Quite the spitfire you are." He got to his feet, retrieved some faded stationary and a pencil that was barely more than a stub, and began to scribble down some directions in his spidery handwriting. "There you are, Miss."

"Thank you." She stood up and turned to Lorraine. "Thanks for breakfast." Feeling flustered, she walked out of the kitchen, stepped over the motionless dog and stepped outside, breathing in the fresh, clear air. 

But the truck was gone. "Fuck!" she yelled. Everything seemed to be rising up in her, and she just wanted to kick something. She hated that Chris didn't even like her as a person and that he had the nerve to tell it to her face. And now their friends had taken off. 

Finally, she saw the dully-coloured truck. It was parked behind a patch of bushes about two hundred feet away. She was pissed, and she started walking in the direction of it. 

Behind her, she heard the door open and close, but she didn't look back. She figured if Chris wanted to walk with her, he could catch up. 

"Claire!" he shouted. "Wait up!"


	9. Runaway

"Claire!" Chris shouted. "Wait for me!"

__

Why, you don't even like me, she thought angrily to herself, not slowing down her pace. 

Chris jogged to catch up to her. "Where the fuck are they?" he demanded. 

"Hiding behind those trees like the fucking scared little cunts they are," she muttered. 

"What's your problem?" he asked. "Why are you being even more of a bitch than usual?"

"You're an asshole!" she blurted. 

"What?" he demanded. "Why am I an asshole?"

"You've just been totally set against being my friend this entire time, and I'm so sick of having to come up with mean things to say to you that I don't mean!"

The look on his face suddenly changed, and she saw what he looked like when he was looking at someone he cared about like Gordie or Cale. "I was never against being your friend, Claire," he said. "You've been pushing _me_ away, and then you were so mean to Cale that one time about her liking Teddy--"

"Yeah, I know I was mean to her, okay?" she shrilled. "And I'm sorry about it now."

"Then why didn't you ever tell her that?" he asked. 

"Because I'm not good at apologizing."

Glancing at her and seeing the angry, tearful look on her face and the determined way she fought her way through the knee high grass, Chris suddenly felt so mad at himself. Why had he let himself treat someone the way he'd treated her? He didn't dislike Claire. But he'd fought with her non-stop and he'd never once apologized to her the way he would've said sorry to anyone else he'd fought with. He had always prided himself with how he wasn't like everyone else. He was good at caring about people, yet he'd almost reduced this girl to tears. He knew that she hadn't been very nice either sometimes, but still. Chris had always been a peacemaker. 

"Listen, Claire," he said quietly. "I never meant anything that I said to you either."

"Yeah you did," she said. "You don't like me, but I don't care because I know that no one really does."

"That's not true," he told her. "None of what you said is true. I shouldn't have said that I didn't like you because I do. And you do care; otherwise you wouldn't have looked so hurt. And that crap about no one liking you is bullshit."

"If you say so," she murmured. 

"I really have been an asshole," he said. "I'm not like this usually. But I guess I'm scared, you know, and I've got stuff on my mind, and you were just acting like you were looking for a fight, so I took my anger out on you."

She peered up at him. "Chris Chambers, scared? Wow. What about?"

Chris shrugged. "That Cale will never give a shit about me ever. And about going home."

"Firstly, Cale does give a shit," she said. "When she was scared, she didn't look for Teddy; she wanted you. So what if she doesn't like you back in the way you like her? You're safe to her and you give her reassurance. You're her friend. And secondly, I know about what you go home to, Chris. I know that that's why you just kept on driving. I think it's really fucked up that a dad can hurt his son like yours does, but you can't run away. You're a strong guy, everyone knows that you are, even people who act like you're less than them. You never came across to me as the kind who runs away, you seem more like the kind who just, um…survives."

Chris stared at her. "Why did you just say that?" he asked slowly. 

She felt herself going red. "It needed to be said, I guess," she said, trying to sound like she said stuff like that all the time and like she didn't think he was something out of the ordinary. "I mean, it's about time someone told you what you are."

"I know what I am," he said firmly.

"You're running away from yourself. If you knew who you were, you wouldn't run away."

"Well," he said, laughing. "I certainly take back everything impolite I said to you earlier."

"Likewise." They were approaching the truck. "Look, it's Cale! I can see the back of her head."

"Oh boy," Chris laughed. 

"Go get em, Tiger." 


End file.
